The Great Christmas Bake-Off

Boy am I glad to be within touching distance of Christmas Eve. One cake left to bake and deliver and then it'll be time for Christmas Cocktails, sausage rolls and mince-pies with the family. Unbeknownst to the producers at the BBC, the Great Christmas Bake-Off has been taking place in my kitchen for the last few weeks. As the days progressed, the challenges grew, well, more challenging. I was contestant and judge all rolled into one. Depending on the day (or the hour frankly) I was either the calm, steady contestant, unflappable in the face of disaster, or the one who gets that slightly crazed look before rapidly descending into a frenzied panic as the tasks mount up. When in judging-mode, I was more Paul Hollywood than Mary Berry - a tough task-master and harsh critic. 

First came the legion of angels (yep, that's them lined up for their photo-op above) - iced gingerbread angel biscuits, with hand-painted golden halos. Angels made a return appearance the following weekend (more a host than a legion this time), along with a copse of Christmas Trees and a small flurry of Snowflakes. These featured the Christmas-Spiced Chocolate biscuits (i.e. chocolate gingerbread) that I had tried-out last month and proved very popular. 

In between, I've been busy rustling up batches of puddini, chocolate and peanut-butter cups, fudge and Christmas Tree Decoration biscuits. As someone who loves language (I am a word nerd and have been known to read the dictionary for fun), I started thinking about collective nouns. Looking at a table full of puddini truffles and cooling racks lined with biscuits, I wanted a word other than 'batch' to describe them (my mind is indeed a strange and wondrous place). Most of the collective nouns in the English language relate to animals or birds and some are fairly well-known (a herd of cattle for instance or a flock of seagulls) but some are brilliantly obscure and descriptive, often conjuring up amusing images - a congregation of alligators (all neatly dressed for mass), a gang of elk and a mob of emus (villains of the animal kingdom?), a bloat of hippopotamuses and a waddling of ducks (how apt). There are even some for us humans - a blush of boys, a draught of butlers, a hastiness of cooks and a superfluity of nuns - while right at the top of the heap is the pantheon of gods.

A twinkle of Tiny Christmas Cakes

So what then to call my myriad little Christmas confections? Perhaps a jolly of puddini truffles, a jingle of Christmas Tree decoration biscuits and a chime of chocolate and peanut-butter cups? I could bake a scent of gingerbread men and decorate a twinkle of Tiny Christmas Cakes. Much better than boring old 'batch' every time. The next time the phone rings, I can answer and say 'Sorry, can't talk, I'm in the middle of stirring up a bauble of fudge'. Festive collective nouns? Language is constantly evolving, so why not? 

On the subject of language, and more specifically words, I was playing with a new toy the other day - tiny little letter stamps that can be arranged on a rack to make whatever word you choose, which you then impress onto a biscuit before it's baked. In my defence, I was quite tired and brain-addled at the time, so working out which way the letters had to go was probably more of a challenge than it should have been (they're all back-to-front so that when impressed, they come out the right way). As a result, my planned Christmas star biscuit with 'star' written on it, became 'rats' ('Oh rats!' she cried when she realised what she had done). Not quite the traditional nativity scene eh? 'So the three wise men followed the Christmas rats to Bethlehem, where they found the Baby Jesus in the manger'. And on that note, I wish you a very merry, twinkly Christmas, rats and all.